Here is a portrayal about my 25 year long spiritual journey. I would like to describe who I am and what people can expect of me. I am not the medicine for everybody. I am waiting for people who resonate with this story.
I was born in Hungary in 1969. I have inherited a healing ability from my fathers lineage. This ability took shape in different forms in each generation. My great-grandfather cured people and animals, too. He whispered something into their ear which cured them. My father treated physically handicapped people with energy healing. 3-4 treatments were enough for them to leave their wheelchairs.
This power always comes unexpectedly. It came to me in a dream. I defeated the power symbolized for me as Darkness and Evil in a battle lasting throughout the night. On waking I could feel that something had definitely changed. Very powerful energy was flowing from my palms. This had undoubtedly come from the One, we can call God, Supreme… I wanted to learn everything about it, to know the total Truth, and to know what kind of disease I can cure with this energy. I put all my attention to seeking. Very soon my life transformed totally and become unrecognizable.
First I studied martial arts. I received a really hard treatment as a private student. Then I met my husband who is a yoga master and quantum physicist, we decided to retreat to an isolated place for spiritual practice. Under his guidance I practiced meditation, studied oriental philosophy, oriental scriptures and even in my dreams I practiced tibetan dream yoga to find the final Truth. After many years of practice I decided to dive into conscious dreaming deeper than before. My martial arts teacher and my husband warned me they won’t take the responsibility…. So I decided to go alone without any control. „Conscious dreaming is to realize during a dream one is dreaming. Then one can influence and change the dream like in a day time dream, but here the sensations are more intense and vivid and more profound than while awake. In the end we can observe the purest form of conscious awareness.” This was my goal. In my dream I could do everything that I wanted, and get whatever I wished for in my life. Later even in my daily life I could do some miraculous things that are nonsense for the mind. I felt the power of manipulation and I was very proud of it. In my dream every sensation was much more real and more intense than in the waking state. After a while I didn’t find any difference between dreaming or being awake. I have seen that all is in my mind, everything is just a dream, even my life. On one hand this was true but on the other hand I had lost connection with „reality”. Then one uncontrollable energy was overwhelming me. It dominated my body and I lost control. I was trapped. I realized that something was definitely wrong and that I can’t handle this kind of energy. My Masters said very soon one morning I would not wake up anymore. So, I went for help to a scientist who had done research about shamans all his life. He said in the shamanic terminology this called „shaman’s sickness”, which means nobody can help me, I have to find the way out alone. I will die or become a healer. If I succeed in this lesson I will get the answer what kind of disease I will cure. I have to learn to control the unknown, uncontrollable energy that dominates me some times. That energy is my weak point. I had to know what is it? I decided to practice 24 hours each day. I ate only one cup of rice a day. In my dreams I stopped traveling and talking with beings, I just sat in my meditation posture and I even stopped seeing images. I was meditating on the emptiness, and I practiced to go in and out between my dream and waking states. I was waiting for the mornings, because this was a really boring practice…
Soon I realized my mind is full of spiritual knowledge, that I am a very fanatical practitioner, but my heart is closed. I realized that I don’t know what is the real love even though I had met many spiritual Masters. I had never seen a good example of the kind of love that I was looking for, that I felt exists. I felt a huge pull and I was convinced that this was the key to move on, because The Love and The Supreme are the same.
Then, by chance, I met a Sufi Master who offered me a deal. If I stop practicing in my dream, he would show me what I was looking for. He was the first person in my life who transmitted an unknown but very attractive quality. Modesty, devotion, depth, silence….. I immediately trusted him, promised everything and I opened myself. He looked at me and my mind stopped, nothing remained only the silence, that kind of silence that I never had experienced before. After this meeting I went home, but I really didn’t understand how the body could move without the mind. I read a lot about „no mind”, but the reality was different. At home I sat down in my meditation posture and then suddenly a light shined in the room. Everything was beautifully splendid. I had never seen this kind of light. I knew immediately I had found what I wanted. I cried out of happiness for hours. I felt the presence of Supreme Love. After this experience I lost the boundary of being a person for many months. When I watched somebody I could hear what they were thinking and what they were feeling. That experience changed my life. I saw that people are being guided by two voices that talk at the same time. One is a loud, constant, inanimate mind machine. The other one is very quiet, soft, ageless and innocent. So many systems, so many terms, so many names for this: I prefer to call it heart or soul when I’m talking about this place or state of being.
Then came the best part. I experienced to talk to somebody who also talked from the heart. That was wonderful, I knew immediately, yes, this is what I want, this is a genuine way of life for me. And I started to seek the company of people who had the same values. It is so natural, simple, sincere and real. We don’t have to be a saint or an angel, not even spiritual to be in heart!
Then I studied a special energetic healing from a kazakh healing and Tai Chi Master.
Many years later I started to work with my healing energy. One day I went to visit my client in the hospital. The doctors had been saying for at least one month she would die. She was full of pain and fear, she was shouting, crying and suffering so much. She didn’t want to die (that is why she called me to heal her). At the end of my treatment when she returned to her heart, the pain and the fear were gone. She was really happy and she said: Please don’t call my family because they can’t help me, they would only cry and make a big drama. I will pass away right now because I can see my mother in the light calling me to be with her. And she died. That’s it. She just died. Simply and naturally passed away. I got a shock. I needed some time to understand that death is so natural like going to sleep. When we are connect to the heart everything that happens at its time is just natural, even to die.
Then I met The Master who is a living example for me of freedom and enlightenment. I can’t find words to talk about her…
Next to her I just started to believe I have already known everything about love when I learned the biggest lesson. I fell ill. It seemed I was going to die. I immediately knew why, this was a vow that I made during my healing session. I tried to save my Mother’s life and an other time that man’s life who was deep in my heart. My Mother had a malignant tumor 12 years ago. I thought, I healed her but all what happened was I took over the illness from her. I did the same with the man whom I wanted to save. After a while I understood I have interfered their destiny, and that was why they couldn’t accomplish their destiny. I felt, I committed guilt against them. I had to give them back to their destiny. I thought, my mother was a strong woman, nothing bad could happen to her, so I gave back her spiritual burden. Three weeks later she was hospitalized and in a short time she died. I felt I killed her….. After this tragedy I wasn’t able to make the same „mistake” again maybe to send the man, whom I love to death. I felt I have to understand what is the real solution for help, because the real love does not mean to sacrifice my life for others, the real love is not a sentimental feeling or an emotion but much more…
My contact history started in 2010 in Portugal. One of my clients told me during an energetic healing that she had seen two tall white figures next to me telling us they didn’t want to interfere in what I was doing, just to indicate that they were there. At first, I felt that I didn’t want to hear about it, then I felt ill and had to lie down. I lay there for a day, unable to move, and then obsessively started drawing and painting geometric shapes. I pretended that nothing had happened; extraterrestrials did not fit into my belief system. But, based on the drawings, their presence was clearly evident. A few years later they signalled again that they were here and, by then, I felt the time had come to accept their presence and find out exactly who they were and why they were here. I flooded them with questions, including those suggested by a number of friends with scientific backgrounds. The end result showed that these beings had very high intelligence and that whilst some had lived here on Earth, most had not. The ones who had lived here left after establishing civilizations in many areas of the planet but wanted to keep in touch with us with the intention of teaching.
When I asked about teaching, they said I could start learning from those who lived in Antarctica where there was a flourishing civilization. As a beginner, I would need to learn intensively and would have to be based at a place of power or channel given by them. Antarctica or Fuerte Bulnes in Chile-Patagonia were the options. I chose the latter. It was obvious to me that, if I wanted to be a credible person to connect, this trip was not an option, but a requirement. In addition, I felt my life had to change radically if I wanted to keep pace with development, with new energies, and to experience the side of life that had only been present in my wishful dreams. This included experiencing the highest level of love relationships and experiencing a love that goes far beyond just loving. I wanted to experience what THEY call Love. I wanted to be with people who lead a higher quality of life with respect, support, esteem. I wanted to know more about the mechanisms behind the appearances, the connections, and the truth. „My” guides nodded to my wish list, so with great confidence, I embarked on a two-year retreat with them at the end of the world in a completely foreign environment. Thanks to my all or nothing character, I put everything on the line and went for it. I had decided to follow the path that was suggested. Almost everything at the beginning, I mean everything, they said about changing my life, was against the way I saw the world at the time. We disagreed about almost every point. My mind was screaming and opposing, but I said yes to their leadership. We “argued” many times, but I realized that my life had already changed tremendously. I had a new worldview, a new personality, new thought patterns and the fulfilment of my desires. When I started communicating with the teachers, I made a chart with hundreds of words and with the help of pendulum, they could point out the information I needed. Their first teaching was that more than half of the words were pulled out because they were meaningless, only the creation of an unawakened mind, or the other category we use, but don’t know what it means exactly. Through channelling they said I had to forget everything I had learned so far. I understood and tried to erase the past, but I was careful to take note of everything I heard from then on, not to miss anything for one second; for how could I account for my life so far? After that, for two years, I wrote down all the teachings and “coded the signs”. Then, out of nowhere, I received the message to throw out everything I had written down, nothing could stay. Not only on paper but again, zeroing in on myself, knowing only that I don’t know anything because it was the only way to advance my learning. I stared at my book for hours and hours and then destroyed it. Since then, I have been repeatedly told to reset, and always when I started to feel safe in a life situation or when I felt absolutely confident that I have grasped a certain something. I know from experience that there will always be better things come to pass after the release, but my mind is still going through the “great death” with panic, fear, a sense of loss, and the final mental collapse. Almost without exception, I have found that this kind of attachment and distrust of the new is a barrier to move forward when something is outdated, obsolete, even if it means suffering, sickness, and being stuck. Even if, for some reason, it is fate or life itself that has deprived us. No matter how much we try to hold onto the familiar or become so traumatized that we, not only won’t allow the new to enter but concretize ourselves into endless self-pity and self-destruction.
My life was not refined nor perfected, it was more like having a new life in another dimension with a new worldview, new personality, new thought patterns, fulfilling my desires. There was a quality shift, a drastic fundamental change.
My teachers have now sent me back to Europe to connect those in whom my story, my message resonates; to offer a handrail to those who need it in the midst of strong change and to offer companionship to those who have walked or are walking this path themselves.
My journey is not finished yet…